Oh what a doozy! Only my second day, and I am having an emotional emergency. Total emotional dysregulation. So what I am writing now is going to be a mess. But as I promised myself, this is not going to stop me writing. Just it certainly won’t be great.
Maybe talk about dysregulation? This concept in the context of trauma and CPTSD. The much higher likelihood for becoming dysregulated and the inability to re-regulate onself. Meaning in layman’s terms, you get easily freaked out and once you are, you are stuck. I am not going to talk about what triggered me like this, at least not while I am still dysregulated. But you guys can believe me it was something objectively really minor. Someone without CPTSD would barely bat an eye over this, maybe have a brief sense of annoyance for 5 minutes and then forget about it. Not like me though, this has been going on for 4 hours now. And I am only a tiny bit more relaxed than I was right after it happened. Total freak out state. And just in such an emotional emergency my brother’s phone seems to be switched off, as my text hasnt gone through for 3,5 hours now. Perfect. But I am proud that I have at least tried a few things to re-regulate. Which as such is a bit of a success, since my natural impulse is to simply crawl into my own skin and hide from the world for the next three days. And just watch Netflix (my go to self medication, which does not re-regulate but is even more effective than Valium in numbing the terror). I have vented by writing, have tapped my body, did some hip opening (for grounding). And all I can say though, is that I am surprisingly still alive. Even though the desire to just vanish is huge. Just find my cave, my inner cave, and go into hibernation. Let the world do its thing on its own for a while and only come outside again, when the sun has returned.
Personal Mental Health Recovery 