I’ll keep it brief. I have not slept well at all. And if I don’t sleep well, I am not just simply exhausted. But I feel physically ill and the likelihood of struggling with emotional pain attacks is also increased (so far 2 today). I am proud that despite being in such a bad state, I still managed to do some things, be active. Of course not as much and as well as I could on a good day, but I would say at about 50%, which is honestly pretty amazing, considering how unwell I am physically and emotionally right now.
Right now it feels like someone is clawing at my chest from the inside and I struggle breathing. So obviously typing is really hard, therefore I leave it at that. In CPTSD terms you would say: Heavily, heavily dysregulated!
[EDIT]: I really want to stress how amazing it is that I managed on the day of this posting to achieve a certain level of activity. In such moments the impulse to just let go and and let myself go (in a way) is very strong. The need for comfort, warmth and carefreeness is super high. The inability to think creatively makes it impossible to just follow through with the normal plan for the day. But luckily I was able to realize that I could still be active, if I just go at a slower pace. Things need to be adjusted and from shifting state to shifting state the plan for the day needs to be adjusted.
Personal Mental Health Recovery 